well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
