i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize