Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
