my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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