i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
