Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
