ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
