If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Drake has all the answers
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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