Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
