Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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