idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
