what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
