Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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