Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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