Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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