you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
