i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
