Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
