You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize