I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
