i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He passed out mid-signature
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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