I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
