i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My penis needs a shock collar
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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