There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
