Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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