So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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