you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
