i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
