my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
