If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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