He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
