question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
