Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize