dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
