One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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