Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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