You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
