he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
