I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
