youre lurking in front of me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
