You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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