The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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