He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
