He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
