I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
