he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
