i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
