absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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