I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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