We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
