i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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