i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
