come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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