I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How naked do you want me to be?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
