Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
