She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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