there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
