nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
