we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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