They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize