dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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