i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
