Cold hands, warm shart.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
