Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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