I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
