We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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