i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
