Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize