Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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