He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
PANTIES FOUND
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