just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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