I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
