just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
being pregnant is like rehab
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
