I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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