You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
