..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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