he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
