I'd wear matching sweaters with you
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
