He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
