I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
